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voodoo

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[04 Dec 2009|01:03am]
[ mood | peaceful ]

I never did have a chance to say this.

Thank you for trying. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for the lessons I've learned.

It's over now.

Goodbye.

Paglisan [23 Mar 2008|05:20pm]
[ mood | loved ]

(Warning: Long post ahead)

Sa totoo lang, January palang, nagiiyak na ko sa binabalak kong pag-alis sa office. Naalala ko lang one time, mag-isa lang ako sa flat, tuesday yun, umalis na si fran. Nagpapatuyo ako ng buhok sa electric fan. (Wow rhyming.) Maya maya pa eh humahagulgol na ko sa thought na malapit na ko magresign. Ayun, pumasok ako late at mukhang puyat/sabog ang mga mata. Hehe.

Ganun naman eh. Pabugso-bugso ang nararamdaman kong kalungkutan. Bigla nalang magsisink in, tas ayun parang psycho na. Kaya nung bowling despedida, hindi ako naiyak, naasar na ata ang tear glands ko sakin. Isa pa, masaya ko nun eh. Kasi isang gabing naipon ang mga taong nagpasaya sakin sa Inquirer. At nagbowling sila lahat! Bowling for Alexa. Parang 'Bowling for Columbine' lang, minus the violence. haha. Ang saya kasi akala ko wala na nagmamahal sakin. Na dahil di na ko gaanong nakakasama lumabas eh naging isang face nalang ako sa pool. Pero eto kayo, love pa rin pala ako. Di nyo alam pano ko naappreciate ang effort at love na pinafeel nyo sakin. Kaya eto, pasensya na mejo parang sabaw lang ng konte.

RUTHIE, naalala mo ba nung inamin mo sakin na crush mo si papa albert? (hahaha bukingan na to), tas sinabi ko na crush ko rin si papa albert, tas pati si dindin (nangdamay pa o. hahaha) crush din si papa albert, tas nagtayo tayo ng AGR fans club/AGR's angels? oo naaalala mo yun. wala lang. natutuwa ako sayo. you're always cheerful and friendly and full of energy. di ko alam pano i-put into words, pero naaappreciate ko ung pag-effort mo (nung bumisita si erap sa office) na kumustahin kami ni rhandz at makichika. i loved you more that night. :-)

ARMIN, love kita at sana alam mo yun. i miss "us" as well. i know alam mo rin yun. di man tayo nakapagchika ng marami at di ko man naungkat mashado ang mga sikreto mo (hehe), eh sana alam mong importante ka sakin. nagbabasa ko nung bday surprise nyo a few years back and nakita ko message mo. sabi mo dun miss mo na ko. nagtampo ka kasi sakin ng matagal, remember?:p buti nalang bati mo na ko after some time. natutuwa rin ako sayo pag dumadayo ka sa pwesto ko dahil wala lang gusto mo lang maghello. pasensya na minsan wala ko masabi ngingitian lang kita. lam mo naman ako shy. :p mabuhay kayo ni liloy. hug him for me.

EMMAN, maraming salamat sa mga moments natin sa badminton. di ko malilimutan ung nishare mo sakin about someone (na may naaamoy kang suspicious. hahahaha). dahil dun, markado na tuloy sa utak ko yun. hee.

MARICRIS, sana matapos mo on time ang grad studies mo para matuloy mo ang binabalak mong pagbomba ng office. joke! ingat kayo ng baby mo and sana mag flourish pa ang lovelife. yiheee!

JO ANNE, wag mo bibigyan ng sakit ng ulo si kuya kungdi aawayin kita kahit malayo ako. :p thanks sa mga kwento at pagshare ng mga problema dati at sa pagtulong sa page 1 at business. ingatan si cois and ingatan mo rin sarili mo. ingat and good luck!

PAPA ALBERT, binibisita ko lagi ang website mo at inaabangan kung may latest kay jhenny.:-) thank you dahil nagpapaistorbo ka pag kelangan ilipat ang word balloon ni guyito for page 1 cartoon. thank you din sa pagshare mo ng mga DVD sakin dati. sayang naalala mo ba nung niyaya ka namin nila fran manood ng sine? sana naulit yun no? :-)

ALLI, you're one of the nicest people sa pool. wag mo kakalimutan ang bilin ko sayo ha? wag mashado magpaka vulnerable pagdating sa pag-ibig. stay strong. write more kickass articles. dapat makatanggap ka ng LRP award ok? (ipressure ba)

JAYCEE, aking older sister sa office. Sana kahit pano napa-feel ko sayo na pwede mo ko hingahan ng sama ng loob rin anytime. Thank you sa mga pagtulong mo sa paglakad sakin kay sir louie para makapagsulat ako. Thank you sa mga libreng concert tickets at sa pagtupad sa pangarap kong makilala si lea salonga :-). Thank you lalong lalo na sa friendship. Wag mo papabayaan ang sarili mo. Sobrang sipag mo, I know you'll go far pa. Ingat ka lagi.

KITKAT, thank you dahil kahit pagod ka sa byahe, nagstopover ka pa rin before ka umuwi ng la union. the stuff you YMed me and emailed and our talk sa fon really really inspired me. i hope i can find my place here and tanggapin rin ng gaya ng pagtanggap sayo sa US. thanks for everything kat. i love you. :-*

TASH, buti nalang wala ka na sa lifestyle. diba mas masaya ang buhay samin? ehehehehe. i hope mabalitaan ko nalang one day ang wedding nyo ni robert. yihee! stay nice and sweet. :-)

ROBERT, wag mo papabayaan si tash ok? mamimiss ko ang mga super maeffort cosplay costumes mo. am glad to have met you, too. :-)

KATE, sana noon pa ko nagpapansin sayo eh di sana noon pa ko may nakukulit at may natatanong ng out of the blue questions. hahaha. maraming salamat sa mga chikahan natin sa ym at sa pagpayag mong i-bully kita lalo na pagdating sa peso. i love reading your blog. nakaka insecure lang naman. hahaha joke. wag ka mashado magpabully ok? kay andrea at cy ka lang pwede magpabully. at sakin rin pala. pero sa iba di na pwede. ;-)

LELEPOT, i think you're really nice and funny. laking gulat ko na lasinggera ka pala! pero buti naman at sumali ka sa alcoholics anonymous kaya sober ka na lagi. keep it up. hehe. ;-p

TIRSO, i have yet to see you get mad. wala, taob talaga ko sa pagkabait mo. at oo, mamimiss ko rin ang instant patintero natin sa hallway. i'll miss you like doobadoobadoo, yeah! :-*

AMY (liit), sorry naman dalawa kasi kayong amy. hehe. anyhoo, nasabi ko ba sayo na me kamukha ka sa koreanovela na yellow handkerchief? well, di na showing yun pero pramis, iresearch mo,parang ate mo ung nandun. hindi kita malilimutan dahil ikaw ang nagintroduce sakin ng grey's anatomy. kaya habang may grey's anatomy, my amy ranola. hee.

RISSA, alam mo ba nung napanood ko ang Juno, hindi ko alam kung bakit pero naalala kita. (yihee flattered hehe). pramis.hoooooy,hindi ako naasar sayo sa page 1 nun. sorry naman windang lang talaga ko pag page 1 at wala si kuya joel. hahaha! basta tandaan mo, ikaw ang what might have been namin sa page 1. wish ko pa rin talaga kinuha ka ni sir bert. hehe. pero siguro kelangan ka kasi sa news. yiha! peborit ka ni letty b. sigurowoohooo! ahahhaha, nang-asar pa eh no? labshu!

ERIKA, oo nung una masungit nga ako kasi actually wala na ko pakialam sa mga bago nun. pano kasi lagi nalang kami iniiwan sa page 1 ni kuya. kaya ayun. sorry naman. hehe. pero buti nalang marunong ka ng knock knock joke! o diba ang saya. hindi ko alam kung bakit protective ako sayo. siguro feeling ko ate talaga ko around you. and i've always been the one na laging bine-baby. hee. so don't give up on your dream to become a reporter. ok? wag ka magpapaka comfortable jan sa upuan ko. sana in a year or so eh nagta-trial ka na rin sa metro. i'm counting on that, ayt? wag muna lumandi lalo na pag page 1 ok? hehehe.

MEANNE, haha may past tayo kasi tayo ang batch na na-BUNCHUMS. yeah! hahahahaha! oi natutuwa naman ako sayo congrats at certified teacher ka na. sana matupad mo mga dreams mo. keep reaching for them. :-)

TRISH, thank you sa lahat lahat. hindi ko iniexpect na dadayuhin mo ang bahay namin just to say goodbye. thanks dahil meron akong natutunang putahe sayo. am so proud of everything you've achieved. keep it up! you're on the right track. :-)

ATE ANNE and ATE CHE, thank you for being our ates at amparo. salamat sa mga advice dati. pag may coverage kayo dito sa dubai, let me know. naka roaming ako. text me. 0921-6684488. :-)

MAMA TINTIN and PAPA CHARLES, ambait nyong dalawa sakin. yup, tintin, sayang we didn't really become close friends but i know kahit san ko kayo makabunggo o makadaupang palad ulit eh bibigyan nyo ko ng mainit na pagtanggap. naks lalim! :-)

SENEN, i won't forget our music connection. sorry pala at inabot ng 4 years ang joy division mo sakin. siguro kung may rental fee lang yun eh para ka na ring nagbonus. hahahaha! thanks for everything. mamimiss ko bonding moments natin nila kuya joel.

KUYA JIM, sino nalang ang magbibigay sakin ng red wine habang nagpe-Page 1? tsk. ingat ka lagi, salamat sa lahat!

KUYA JOEL, isa ka sa mga super mamiss ko sa office. lalo na ang mga hirit mo na whoa-san-galing-yun? riot pwede ka magstandup comedy pramis. tatay ka talaga ni erika. sige aasahan ko ung storya mo sa global pinoy ha? sayo lang ako magpapainterview. pero hahanap muna ko ng trabaho para may storya kang masulat. hehe.

KUYA LOUIE, salamat sa pagturo sakin ng Tera. naaalala ko pa ung first day ko tas tinuruan mo kami ni sir gerry at mam letty b. hehe. take good care of gio and eve. mamimiss ko ang bowling mornings na kasabay namin kayo papuntang megamall. :-(

STEPH, bakit di ka na nagbobowling??? anyhoo, mabigat ata iuwi ang isang bariles ng langis. chaka baka harangin ako sa customs. sand nalang uuwi ko ayt? or camel? haha!

JAS, naubos na ang batch natin. babalitaan kita pag may opening dito para makaalis ka na rin jan. hehehe joke lang. baka awayin ako ni sir ted. anyhoo salamat sa mga tulong mo lalo na nung bago ako at pasensya na sa pagkakulit ko na parang di magets gets ang tera dati. hehe. amishu! :-*

JUNJUN, naku sorry di kita naiwanan ng volks beetle! sana sinabi mo nung nandun pa! waaaah! o basta pag may rants ka email or ym me lang.ingatan mo si dindin ok? kungdi aawayin kita makikita mo! wag mashado matigas ang ulo sa work. at iwasan ang buzzer beater na pagpasok sa office. hindi magandang hobby ang mangolekta ng memo ok? have fun there. sana magpunta kayo dito tas mag sand surfing naman kayo. weeeee!

MELA, oo nga talo natin ang PBB. mas masaya sa bahay natin mas ma-aksyon at mas ma-drama! hahaha! i'm happy for you maaga kang nakawala sa office at nasundan ang pangarap mo. i wish i was brave enough to do that. goodluck sa kung ano pa man ang dreams na balak mo ipursue. :-)

PRINCESS, ang saya saya mo pala kachat! hahaha! rantage galore! text mo ko ha, nakaroaming ako so piso lang bayad nun! hehe. lagi mo ko kakampi lalo na pag me umaaway sayo. i'll miss you.

MIKO, ikaw ang una kong naging patiente. pero natutuwa pa rin ako at nagbunga ang sessions natin. kita mo naman! i'm happy for you and jo. wag mashado paka stress sa upuan mo. the day desk CAN wait. hahahahhaha! o baka nage-extra joss ka na rin ha? ingat. magsumbong ka lang sakin. am just a buzz away. :-)

CY, di ko akalain, di ko talaga akalain na magiging shrink mo ko. and like kate, had i known, sana noon pa rin ako nagpapansin sayo at ng noon pa tayo naging friends. you're such a sweet sweet girl, wag ka matakot ipakita yun lalo na sa mga super love mo (like me). just remember you can always always always talk to me. bother me anytime pag may problem ka. text me even if you think i'm asleep. ok? thanks for everything my dear. alabshu :-*

FRAN, we've been together the longest. living under the same roof at least thrice a week. and you know what? i'm glad. yeah we've learned to respect each other's privacy. and i learned to appreciate you more than i ever thought i could. i think you're one of the few friends who chose to stand by me. understanding me even when i am at my worst. thank you for everything. i won't say goodbye, i know i'll see you here. so give me a shoutout when you land here. keep your head up. there's something bigger waiting for you. you deserve to have so much more than what you're having at the office. i wish you luck and the courage to get out of there. hahaha BI ba? follow your dream. (i don't mean stalk federer ok?) see ya!

DINDIN, sa mga tao sa office nung bago pa ko sa business, sayo ako pinaka na-curious. kasi naman parang ayaw na ayaw mo talaga sa opisina nun. 6pm palang aalis ka na talaga at pag nakakasalubong kita kulang nalang eh magtago ka sa T-shirt mo. naweirduhan ako sayo nun i swear! sabi ko sa sarili ko, mantakin mo yun? me mas anti-social pa pala saakin! at natuwa naman ako kasi feeling ko pwede kita i-coach on how to get out of your shell. ANAK NG TOKWA! eh mas baliw ka pa pala sakin ng 10 million times eh! hahahahhahahahhaha! so dun naman nagsimula ang friendship natin. dun ko nadiscover ung ka-putol ko sa aking kabaliwan. at oonga maraming marami tayong tampuhan (ikaw ata pinaka maraming beses ko nakatampuhan), pero kahit ilang beses pa tayo magkaasaran at magtampuhan, lagi lagi lagi pa rin tayong tumatakbo pabalik sa isa't isa. kasi oo nga tama ka, magkapatid kasi tayo. di kelangan ng kyeme, walang plastikan, walang ano-ano, just in-your-face-this-is-me-so-bear-with-it kind of relationship lang--na may kasamang respeto. maraming salamat. sa lahat lahat lahat. alam ko despite the tampuhans and misunderstandings, lagi pa rin tayong magkakampi in the end. kahit maraming sumpong at drama, pagnagkaproblema eh tayo pa rin ang magiinuman at magsusumbungan. salamat. i love love love you, too, evil sister. pag walang dindin, walang power of three. mwah!

COIS, shempre kakalimutan ba kita? ikaw na aking sumbungan din. ikaw na lagi kumakampi sakin? sana wag mo kakalimutan na lagi lang kami--ako--nandito for you. pag may problema ka at wala ng pwede makinig sayo, pwedeng pwede mo ko storbohin. ikaw pa. eh sabi nga ng ate ko, adopted brother ka na namin. una mo akong inagawan ng ate, kaya wag mo kakalimutan na lagi ka may matatakbuhan (pwera lang financial matters kasi mejo jobless ako ngayon). sayang hindi na tayo nakalabas ni dindin na tayo 3 lang before ako umalis. namimiss ko na ang power of three. pero gaya ng sabi ko kay dindin, pag walang cois, walang power of three.ay ang labo na ata. anyhoo,sabi mo nga, the more words you use, the less you mean, so i hope gets mo rin ano gusto ko parating. thank you for being my big brother. i know i can always run to you when things go bad. i'll miss you. alabshu. *hugs*

1 comment|post comment

Speaking up [14 Oct 2007|09:42pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

So I just discovered that I've been deleted from someone's Friendster account, and LJ account, and I've been demoted to mere co-worker in Multiply a few months back. I can only shake my head. I guess it's only a matter of time before this happened. Am surprised it didn't happen sooner. Am also surprised that for someone as smart as her, she could not grasp the cause and effect concept. I guess everyone thinks that I am the one who screwed up. Because of course nobody has ever really heard my side. Just as well. Silence is my best friend. Complications, confrontations tend to add wrinkles to one's forehead. I've enough other bigger problems to last me a lifetime.

The falling out saddened me, I'd have to admit. And up until her last entry, and the deletion, I've been hoping that somehow unsaid things and accusations could be said so as to clear the air a bit. I didn't expect a tearful reconciliation, such as what usually happens after a highschool open forum. A civil relationship would have been enough. Three years ago I had a misunderstanding with a college girl friend, too. It wasn't after 2 years that we made up. Of course, we didn't go back to the way we were.

So there. I guess there are some things that are better left alone. I don't know why it came to this and I guess I'll never know. There is one side of the story, but there is also another part unknown.

So how's me? Well, not 100% fine, but OK nonetheless.

3 comments|post comment

[10 Mar 2007|05:18pm]
[ mood | blah ]

rainmaker_girl is happy.
You're a rosy-cheeked ray of f'ing sunshine 24/7. I bet you smile a lot and little things don't get you down. Must be nice. Fuchsia's definitely your color.
wanna know your lj's moodring color? enter your user name and hit the button. (discussion thread)



yeah, i am happy but i'm not a rosy-cheeked ray of fucking sunshine. and i don't smile a lot. and little things do get me down. and i'm not nice at all. fuchsia's hard to spell and pink is too girly. my boyfriend tells me i look hot in red so red's definitely my color.
post comment

[01 Feb 2007|10:21pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Testriffic.com
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[01 Feb 2007|07:48pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Testriffic IQ test
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ginaya kay rissa :p [13 Jan 2007|04:20pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Virgo - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You're incredibly thoughtful and able to give your partner what they need most.
You are totally logical. You can deal with problems without involving your emotions.
A good work ethic. You'll do whatever it takes (within reason) to make your relationship work.

Your negative traits:

Sometimes you are so focused on your goals that you let your relationships suffer
You tend to be a perfectionist - and expect perfection from your mate as well
You are picky. So picky that you rather be single than with someone who has a few minor faults.

Your ideal partner:

Values success in life as much as you do
Fits a checklist of qualities you've been looking for since childhood
Like you, is more practical and realistic than romantic

Your dating style:

Active. You're a bit hyper, so you'd prefer a date that involved rollerblading in the park or hiking.

Your seduction style:

You may seem a bit shy, but once you open up to someone - you're totally uninhibited
You like to set the scene first - candles, music, nice sheets
A bit obsessed with cleanliness, you may want to shower first with your love

Tips for the future:

Soften up a little. Vulnerability is sexy - and feels great over time.
Lower your standards a little. Look past a messy desk or someone being five minutes late.
Praise your partner more. You make expect them to be successful, but complements are still appreciated.

Best color to attract mate: Navy blue

Best day for a date: Wednesday
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Give me some luuuurve =) [15 Dec 2006|10:07pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

Kunyari kayo si santa clause. Tas stopover muna kayo sa bahay ko. Tas nakita nyo ang stocking ko. Dali! Anong gift ang ibibigay nyo sakin? :-)

Merry Christmas!



Xmas Stocking
leave a gift for alex
your username:
your gift: (30 characters or less)

get your stocking
dating website
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[02 Oct 2006|09:41pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

We won!!! Go tigers!!!

Hahaha! An editor received an SMS from a UST student (ata). May bomb threat daw sa main building. ACHECHE!

1 comment|post comment

Haberdi mate! [21 Sep 2006|08:12pm]
[ mood | high ]

This year's birthday had been full of surprises from waking up to leaving the office at the end of the day.

Waiting for 12 midnight to strike and even when already too sleepy, R waited til the hour struck to call and greet. At 2a.m., I was roused by a birthday message from my college professor, Atty. Bong Lopez. At around 5a.m. my mom sent her greetings and an hour after Tata greeted me as well. Messages from former classmates poured in as well. After that I waited for my roomie to leave so I can prepare for the day in quiet solitude, when I noticed that she had left me some breakfast munchies before leaving for badminton practice.

I had to pause and think how I must have been a bit of a good person with all these people remembering me on my birthday so early in the morning. After an hour, R arrived and we headed for PRC together. Nothing unusual at the court. Fran, Irene, Alli and I played a game. Din, Jim and Cois then arrived wearing office clothes and started greeting me after the set. Then everything became a blur with balloons coming out of nowhere, a cake from the court's ref, a paperbag and everyone began singing different tunes of the birthday song. They surprised me with a stuffed pup that looked like Pepper. After slices of the yummy cake, we all tired ourselves smashing and outsmarting each other in badminton.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
the yummy strawberry cake brought by R from Cheesecake Inc.

When R and I got to the office, we started preparing the bread we'd be serving with the pansit palabok I ordered from Amber (I highly recommend Amber's palabok. yumyum). A bit later I fed my officemates (or at least some who were fast enough to get to the round table where R put the food) and everything became a blur again. After a round of birthday greetings, we all went back to work.

Having decided earlier to order out, I asked R to call Brooklyn pizza for our dinner. We were just about done with 1st edition when the Brooklyn delivery guy approached me and said handed me the box of pizza with roses and tulips atop. "Ma'am, delivery po." Almost every person who saw the delivery guy stood up to take a look. If it was possible for me to blush I swear I'd have been red to my toes. Under the bouquet was the OST of The Wedding Singer, and a big card. It was a welcome surprise.

And just when I thought the day would be over, R asked me to accompany him to the stock room upstairs in the guise of getting a PC for his boss who needed a computer prepared for him the next day. So after 2nd edition, we went up. He then pointed to a big box in the room and I couldn't believe my eyes, "Binilhan mo ko ng dollhouse???!" was my incredulous, you've-got-to-be-shitting-me shriek. Then on cue, the girls got out of their hiding place and began chanting different tones of happy birthday melodies again. It was, once again, a blur. A blur of happy faces, dollhouse parts, cameras flashing and laughter. Just when I thought my birthday was happy, they made it happier!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
PDI 'women' who will always be little girls at heart


After everyone left, R and I reviewed the day at Starmart over coffee. Friends and lotsa love and laughter. Cliche, pero I must've done something right to deserve this. Could the day be more perfect?


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

8 comments|post comment

[07 Sep 2006|08:51pm]
[ mood | worried ]

My mom had a mild stroke Monday night. Thank God Tata was with her when it happened. She was just lying on the sofa watching TV when she felt her right arm go numb. She panicked and asked Tata to massage it. Then she said her tongue was withdrawing into her throat. Tata said her speech became slurred. Ever the alert person that my mother is, she took her skirt that was hanging by the chair and pulled her tongue out with it (you may find this hilarious but when you think about it, it's actually scary). My mom is a registered nurse but she stopped practicing the profession when a neighbor gave my eldest sister spoiled milk to drink when she was a kid. So at that moment that the numbness enfolded her, my mom knew there was something seriously wrong with her. While Tata was massaging her right arm, she said the two of them walked back and forth in the sala for fear that the numbness would get to her leg. If that happens, she'll be paralyzed for sure. Tata tried to reach me but I left my phone in the van when R and I had a late snack at Star Mart. I blame myself for not bringing my fon wherever I go (R always gets mad when I don't bring my fon with me). Anyway, we rushed home, bought Mom her medicines on our way and went to check on her.

I was spaced out on the way home that night. In denial that something serious could be happening to my mom, I refused to entertain thoughts that what happened to my father would happen to her, too. My mother is invincible. She's the strongest woman I know. Up to now, I'm still afraid of her. That's why moving out became a relief for me because I could get to go out every night if I want to, and come back any time I want, no questions asked. Without her, I became brave enough to go into a relationship with a person she did not approve of. Without her over my shoulder, I went out with my friends and drank to my heart's content. Without her to scold me and get on my case, I got to do what normal single, yuppy women my age do.

After R left the house that night, and my Mom retired to bed, I stayed awake afraid of what might happen if I go to sleep. My Mom slept in the other room (which was supposed to be my room), with Tata sleeping on the floor. I had to sleep alone in the what should be the master's bedroom because we didn't fit in the single bed anymore. I was afraid that Tata may not wake up immediately in case Mom feels the numbness again. I asked her to sleep beside me in the other room but she didn't want to. So I set her cell phone's speed dial all to my name and instructed her that should something happen, she should just press 2 buttons and that would reach me. I relied on technology to wake me in the next room should she get an attack again.

I barely slept that night. I wouldn't know what I would do if my mother leaves us. Yes, I do complain about her strictness, about how unreasonable she is sometimes, about how i missed some of the chances and opportunities in my life just because she didn't approve--but I can't make it without her. At least not yet.

I pray to God to keep her with us. There are still so many things that she should see. There are still events she should be there for. Heck, I want her to help me take care of my 1st child! And that's in 5 years' time. Oh, she'll make it then and even longer than that. She's strong and I'll help her in whatever way I can. I'm actually quite problematic with a lot of things right now, bills and bills to pay, but I'll get through this. We'll get through this.

My Mom may have been a difficult character for most parts of my life, but I love her. I'd go crazy if she goes away.

3 comments|post comment

Never settle [26 Aug 2006|07:15pm]
[ mood | worried ]

Lifted from purple_revolt

I leave you with words from Steve Jobs.

“You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to
love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.”


“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

“Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.”

****

People tell me I pressure myself too much into becoming someone. That I'm thinking too much that I am a failure just because I feel I haven't reached anything yet.

Damn right. What is so wrong with wanting to be somewhere at this age? What is wrong with dreaming to become more than what I am today? I agree with what purple_revolt has posted above. Never settle. I don't want to be stuck in this job for the next year or so. There's nothing wrong with pressuring myself into becoming bigger than what I am and have today. There's nothing wrong with thinking that it is never enough. I say keep reaching up.

Stay hungry. Never settle. There's nothing wrong with wanting to achieve more.

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nuninuninu [15 Aug 2006|07:07pm]
[ mood | good ]

MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEEMEMEMEE from nina =)

1. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed romantically?
Nope

2. Have you ever seen your best friend naked?
Uhm...

3. What did you do in 2nd grade when you weren't in school?
I think I got sick.

4. What is the best thing about your job?
it's like you're not working at all. you can sleep on your desk, you can chat all day while working (basta la ung boss sa likod mo), you can blog, you can play on the net, you can go out to chowking to buy nai cha, you get bylines sometimes, and free concert tickets, you meet famous people.. etc etc...

5. Do you like more than one person right now?
I like a lot of people. But if you put romance into the picture, there's only one person that comes to mind. =)

6. Are you against same sex marriage?
not really.

7. Did you vote for Bush? if i were an american citizen, i wouldn't vote for him.

8. Where are you going on your next vacation?
Tagaytay!!! or Baguio. yay!

9. Have you had sex with any of your top 8?
what top 8?

10. Are most of your friends guys or girls?

most are girls, but i find myself more comfortable with guys because they're not maarte. i get to experience a no-frills kind of friendship.

11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?

Are photo frames considered furniture? if yes, then yeah.

12. Last book you read?

Miss Wyoming by Douglas Coupland

13. If you could have one super power what would it be?

Read minds

14. Where have you lived most of your life?

Kyusi

16. Where do you see yourself in 4 years?
At about this time I'd be preparin for my wedding I guess. =)

17. What's your favorite smell?
The pages of a new book flipped near my nose. heaven!

18. What is your favorite sound?

Rain falling

19. Are you moody?
yea

20. Favorite movie of all time?
dami e. wedding singer, sassy girl, 50 first dates, finding nemo, monsters inc. i could go on and on

21. Have you ever done anything hurtful to a friend?
sadly yes.

22. Have you ever one of the things good friends are for but actual clinical type therapy I have not yet had the pleasure?
ay anu raw??

23. Have you ever played spin the bottle?
yeah. but i don't like that game.

24. Have you ever toilet papered someone's house?
how do you toilet paper someone's house? do houses shit too?

25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
yup

26. Have you ever gone camping?
in fourth year during CAT

27. Have you ever had a crush on your brother's friend?
NO!!!

28. Have you ever gone to a nude beach?
Eeeeeow no

29. Have you ever gone streaking?
nope

30. Have you ever had a stalker?
if i had one, i have no knowledge of him/her.

31. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
With this big tummy and small boobs??! I wouldn't even dream of it.

32. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
Oh yeah, it feels good but it's torture too. =)

33. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober person?
In college, yeah

34. Do you want kids?
yup! but not right now.

35. have you ever felt betrayed by a best friend?
Back in elementary. but it's okay. i was better of with other friends anyway.

36. Have you ever lied to your parents?
HELLER???!

37. Have you ever been out of the Philippines?
yeah

38. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
That can happen?

39. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat?
Nope

40. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places?
That's suicide

41. Last song you listened to?
Some Jamie Cullum song

42. Have you ever spied on someone?
I've stalked a crush before. Is that spying too?

43. Have you ever slept with one of your co-workers?
Er...

44. What do you think of the person who posted this survey?
She's cool. Haven't met her personally pa rin. I hope I do one day. I want a pepe smith shirt!!! (sana pagbigyan nya ko and still sell me one).

45. Who was the last person who called you?
My boyfriend asking me if I was sleeping already.

46. When was the last time you slept for more then 12 hours straight?
Two Wednesdays ago.

47. Have you ever been arrested?
Nope.

48. Have you ever stolen anything?
Nope

49. Have you ever drank egg nog?
Nope

50. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
In Tagaytay at dusk with that special person. =)

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[12 Aug 2006|08:47pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

So yun. Natalo kami sa bowling kanina. Kay R ko lang inamin, at ngayon inaamin ko na sa blog na ito na oo, dinibdib ko yung laban. Inaasahan ko talagang kami ang mananalo. Ganun kalaki ang kumpiyansa ko sa mga teammates ko. Pero di nila ko pinaglaro kaya la rin ako kasalanan bat kami pinulot sa kangkukan kanina. Pero sayang ang galing galing pa naman namin nung first game. Kaso diesel pala ang IT boys. Parang babae. Plancha.

Pero proud ako sa nilaro ni R kanina. Akalain mong mag turkey ba naman! Ang ganda ng performance nya. Kung hindi lang kami ang kalaban ng team nya, magtatatalon ako dun kanina kakacheer. Masaya ko somehow knowing na baka dahil nandun ako kaya ang galing galing nya kanina. Inspiration ba. =p

Eniwei, papahinga muna ko sa badminton. Kasi hanggang ngayon binibigyan pa rin ako ng problema nitong ngipin ko. I swear miss na miss na miss ko na kumain talaga promise. Sawang sawa na ko sa noodles, soup, arroz caldo at lugaw. Isang linggo ko na silang kinakain. Pag-galing nitong ngipin na to, kakain ako ng sisig, pizza, porkchop, barbecue at maraming maraming kanin.

Pota. Naiisip ko palang nagugutom na ko. *Sigh*

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Stumped [08 Aug 2006|10:58am]
[ mood | stressed ]

Tinatamad na ata ako magsulat. Hindi ata dito ang career ko. Yung dating isang upuan na diredirecho kaya kong isulat na mga business articles, ngayon hindi ko magawa. Di ko alam kung dahil buhol buhol ang kwento ng interviewee ko, o dahil inaantok ako, o dahil masakit talaga ang ipin ko, o dahil may makulit na editor patanong tanong ano ginagawa ko.

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Colgate [07 Aug 2006|06:33pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

pucha. ang sakit ng ngipin ko. as in. pinacheck ko sa dentist kanina. sabi nya anti-biotic daw ako for 7 days, every 8 hours. tapos pagtapos nun, pa x-ray raw ako at chaka idedetermine kung root canal or byebye tooth.

f.u.c.k.

sobrang sakit nya na habang kumakain kami ni R kanina sa soup kitchen, napaiyak nalang ako sa awa sa sarili ko. pano gutom na gutom na gutom na ko talaga. since kahapon, puro sabaw nalang ang kinakain ko.

tapos late ang business. 6:18. di ko alam kung kasalanan ko pero mga pahina ko nalang ung hindi tapos. pagtingin ko sa oras past 6 na pala. hindi ako maka concentrate. ang sakit sakit ng ngipin ko. ngayon lang ako nakaranas ng ganitong kasakit, kahit nung inoperahan ako sa impacted teeth ko dati di naman ganito.pero siguro dahil nasa bahay lang ako nun at parelax relax, tutulog kung dapuan ng antok. ngayon hindi ko naman pwede gawin yun.

waaaaah. gusto ko na umuwi. the whole day na kunot ung ulo ko. cranky ako. kung pwede lang uwi na ko sa mommy ko tonight at wag na pumasok bukas. kebs na sa storya tungkol sa t-shirt na di ko alam kung may bumibili pa. kebs na sa badminton na wala naman nagpupunta. kebs na kung mahirapan tong bago namin dahil mag-isa lang sha pag umalis ako. kebs na kung ma-bad trip si sir bert dahil di ko tatapusin ang araw. kebs na. masakit talaga.

leche. sana lahat ng masamang tao sumakit rin ang ipin.

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Sleepless at 5:34am [04 Aug 2006|02:38pm]
[ mood | calm ]

As you sleep,
I lay my head against your chest
feeling your steady breath
in
out
in
out
the rhythm regular, undisturbed.

Your face,
I could stare at you forever-
the quiet night cradling
your peaceful countenance,
i stare at you
wishing i was in the dream you're having now.

I hold you,
willing myself to sleep-
envying the steady rhythm of your breath
against my troubled one.

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song of the moment... [28 Jul 2006|08:48pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get afraid what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now.


I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim


Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains


Got a kick for a dog beggin' for love
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says will you ever learn
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird


I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion


Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains


Please be
Save me
I cry

Never going back again
Crucify myself again
You know
Never going back again to
Crucify myself
Everyday



-Crucify, Tori Amos

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Of love and other demons [08 Jul 2006|07:12pm]
[ mood | okay ]

... Cayetano took Sierva Maria's hand and placed it over his heart. She felt the internal clamor of his suffering.

"I am always in this state," he said.

And without giving his panic an opportunity, he unburdened himself of the dark truth that did not permit him to live. He confessed that every moment was filled with thoughts of her, that everything he ate and drank tasted of her, that she was his life, always and everywhere, as only God had the right and power to be, and that the supreme joy of his heart would be to die with her. He continued to speak without looking at her, with the same fluidity and passion as when he recited poetry, until it seemed to him that Sierva Maria was sleeping. But she was awake, her eyes, like those of a startled deer, fixed on him. She almost did not dare to ask:

"And now?"

"And now nothing," he said. "It is enough for me that you know."

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Father's day [18 Jun 2006|09:56pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I've never written anything about my dad since he passed away.


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I find it hard to write about him. This morning when I woke up, I just found myself crying. Last year, in the middle of a Mass in Don Bosco, when I saw the kids greeting their fathers, I just broke down and left the Church.

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Yes, Pa. I wish I'd gotten to know you better. They told me I was a papa's girl. I was your little girl, Pa. If I had one wish, it would be that I can go back to that last night I saw you, when your were waiting for me outside the house. You must've known you wouldn't see me again 'coz you normally don't sit there to wait. I wish I didn't snap at you. I wish I could have kissed you and sat down beside you and told you about what's going on with me. I wish I could've asked you what's going on with you.

Too late. I'll never forgive myself for that last night. If only I had known the next time I'd see you was in your white casket, I'd have talked to you all night.

But there was no way I could've known. I was a bad daughter. I should've taken better care of you.

I love you, Pa. I never got to tell you that.

You'll always be the greatest man I'll ever know.

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